I had hoped that surgery would be easier the second time around but I was WRONG!!!!
Yesterday was one of the biggest days of my life. I was up at 5am having a panic attack – hesitating – wondering – doubting my decision. But I decided that after everything I went through to make the decision I best stick to it. And I made some promises to myself not for me but for my darling girl.
So we were out of the house by 930am and waiting in the ward by 10am. We were told surgery wasn’t until 1pm which I knew was going to be a mission in itself but once 1pm came around we got the news that things had been pushed back to 3pm. So my poor princess was starving and hadn’t eaten since 7pm the night before. She handled it like a champ though.
3pm came around and off we went. Into a gown and go go go. But the wait wasn’t over yet. At about 330pm Abbis amazing surgeon came to talk to me, reassured me and cracked a few jokes but it was still another half an hour before it was time for her to go under.
I was proud of myself I had kept my promises- I kept strong. I kept brave and I smiled through the pain. But as soon as they said “Okay she’s asleep” I fell apart, the tears started rolling and I didn’t want to let go of her but that wasn’t the way this was going to work. So I put her down I kissed her twice and I fell apart some more.
It was then I realised that was the easy part because I had at least 3hours of waiting ahead of me………
ifhandscouldtalk 